I think a trip to the gynecologist finally changed my attitude about weight loss for good.

I'm feeling a mixed bag of emotions about my health today.

I went to the gyno yesterday, and while everything down there is fine, my doctor did express alarm and concern (not judgement, because she's wonderful) about my weight. I'm glad she did, because I went there with the intention of asking her for advice on who to talk to about making a weight loss plan.

My official weight is (drum roll) ... 279. Not too far off the mark from what I estimated in a previous post. The scary thing, though, is that at my appointment last year, I weighed somewhere around 238. Still kind of terrible for my age and height, but at least it's 40 pounds less than where I am now. How does someone gain 40 pounds in one year without even realizing it?

I could blame post-wedding weight gain. I could blame stress. I could blame a number of things. But realistically, I know it's my lack of exercise and poor eating habits I've had for the past, oh, 23 years that have gotten me to this point. As of today, I'm determined to put a stop to it. I know, I know, I've said that before many times in this blog, but this time I'm serious. At this point, I HAVE to make changes. Period. My health relies on it. There's no point in me feeling ashamed or sad or anxious about my weight anymore because everything is already all out on the table. I just have to make a decision to move forward. NOW.

My doctor gave me several recommendations of doctors I should talk to so they can do a whole health evaluation and help me build a plan -- blood work and everything. I'm actually kind of excited, because doctor's orders will probably help me see results much faster than me just arbitrarily picking numbers and goals for myself without the right knowledge. But I'm also a little scared that the test results might reveal a thyroid problem or diabetes concerns, so pray with me that that doesn't happen.

Until I am able to see a doctor, I retooled my My Fitness Pal numbers and goals to reflect something a little more realistic. (Before, I'd put in that my weight was 270, I wanted to eat 1500 calories a day, I would exercise 4 times a week, and I wanted to lose 2 pounds a week. Haaaa.) I think these new numbers -- 279, 2050, 3, and 1, respectively -- will be a little easier to achieve and will help me feel less anxious about what I eat and when. (The program customized the calorie count to 2050 for me, in case you're wondering.) But like I said, today is a new start, so I'm not giving myself any more free passes. And to prove it to you:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with cinnamon and a little sugar (man, those gummy last couple bites are rough to choke down) and a clementine. And black coffee, because I'm trying to cut down on cream and sugar. Black coffee is actually really good! (Yes, I'm becoming one of those people. We all knew it was coming.)
Lunch: Errr ... Three slices thin crust veggie pizza and one slice chicken supreme pizza. We had an office meeting! It was free! I tried to eat the healthy versions! The chicken slice was more like an afternoon snack an hour later! Although surprisingly, these four slices were only 730 calories, so it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. If you're watching calories but craving pizza, go with veggie thin.
Dinner: Brown rice with peas, carrots, soy sauce and Sriracha; cottage cheese; a tortilla with hummus. Now THIS is a diet meal.